


Dangerous Longing

by Firelight47



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Has Feelings For Castiel, Destiel - Freeform, Human Castiel, Love Confessions, M/M, Post Cas Leaving the Bunker, Suicidal Castiel, Suicidal Thoughts, Worried Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 11:47:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15485076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firelight47/pseuds/Firelight47
Summary: Newly human Castiel isn't taking to life easily, and after being kicked out by the Winchesters, he 's wondering if it's worth all the trouble to keep going.





	Dangerous Longing

Cas had been kicked out of the bunker two weeks, three days, and six hours prior to today. He still doesn't know why. Dean had seemed happy to see him so it made no sense as to why he'd been booted out. But he had and so he'd been not-so-graciously taken to the human lifestyle. Cas hadn't gotten used to basic daily functions, including emotions. Instead he chose to drink whenever he felt a new or unwanted emotion, which happened to be quite often. One of these emotions happened to be longing. He knew of that emotion, he'd known the feeling only from sensing it in others, but actually experiencing it was worse than he could've imagined.

He first only felt it for objects, like food. Or a bed. Or a home. But that was nothing compared to longing for another human being.

Longing for a person was painful enough, but put it on top of knowing that that person wants nothing to do with you and doesn't want to help you when you when you're at your lowest is soul-crushing. 

Cas made his way out of his usual bar, not drunk enough to stop thinking and sober enough to think about how much money he'd spent already. He sulked down the barren streets, avoiding the blinding street lights in favor of the darkness. It was well past midnight and he knew he should find somewhere to sleep but sleep didn't seem appealing. 

Nothing seemed appealing anymore. Cas just wanted to be done.

He was tired of living day by day, having to worry about where his next meal would come from or how much longer he could go without water. The people at the homeless shelters had been caring but he could never stay for more than three days. 

His life as a human was utterly horrid. So when he came across a tall bridge near the road, he had thoughts of what could go wrong if he decided to jump. Nothing could be worse than what he was dealing with now, so what's the point in continuing? There'd be no harm in ending it tonight. There was no one to stop him anyways. Dean didn't want him, so that probably meant neither did Sam. Pretty much every angel wanted him dead so why not grant their wishes.

Cas made his way over to the bridge and looked over the edge. At the bottom were rocks and concrete. Surely, _hopefully_ , he wouldn't survive if he jumped. 

***********************  
Dean was looking through the news, trying to find anything to get his mind off of the fallen angels and Metatron. He finished off his beer and got up to grab another.

"Hey Dean, so get this-" Sam's eyes glowed bright blue and he stood straight up. Ezekiel had taken control.

"Hey Zeke, what's wrong?" Dean grabbed another beer from the fridge and walked back to the table.

"It's Castiel." Dean's heart skipped, he ignored it and tried to play off his excitement and worry.

"Wait he's not an angel anymore, how do you know anything about him?"

"He may not have his grace anymore but he is still able to be sensed through angel radio if he is in danger."

"Whoa whoa whoa, hold up. He's in danger?" Dean's voice was panicked and his heartbeat sped up.

"It appears so."

"Well where is he?"

"Somewhere in town."

"So you can sense him but you can't get his exact location?" Dean put on his jacket and grabbed the keys to the Impala, "It doesn't matter, I'll find him. Oh and Zeke, stay in control, and if you get any other hints about him, call me." 

And with that Dean was out the door and in the car. 

*****************************************  
Dean drove through the streets of Lebanon on full alert. He drove slowly near the alleys in case Cas had gotten beat up and was ditched in the back. Dean let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. His heart was pounding in his chest, Dean blamed it on nerves. 

He got closer to the edge of town when he noticed someone standing by a bridge. He decided to ask them if they'd seen anything suspicious, but as he got closer he realized they were standing on the other side of the railing. Dean sped up, he did not want to see someone commit suicide, not if he could help.

He parked his car and started running toward the figure, "Hey man, I don't know what happened but it doesn't have to end now." Dean realized he sounded more like a billboard rather than an actual comfort but he had to try.

The figure turned around, "Dean?" 

And Dean could recognize that voice anywhere. His heart sped up and his stomach dropped. He started running faster.

"Cas?" His voice cracked. He reached Cas and out his hand on his shoulder, "Cas, no, what... what are you doing? No nevermind, come here." Dean took Cas's hand and helped him to the safe side of the railing before pulling him into a hug. Cas hardly returned the gesture before pulling away.

"Cas, why?" Dean was still breathing heavily, he still blamed his nerves.

"Because Dean, I'm not important to you or Sam as you made so obvious when you kicked me out, and let's face it my human life is hell so why would it be so bad if it was cut short? No one needs me and without my powers I'm completely useless. 'Baby in a trenchcoat' remember?" Cas kept turning away, looking at the bridge. 

"Do you really think I wanted you to leave? Do you think it was my choice?" Dean could feel tears forming in his eyes and continued when Cas didn't respond, "Well the answer is no, it wasn't. Ezekiel is the one who told me you had to go. He said that with you in the bunker he'd have to leave Sam, and Sam was barely healed. I didn't want you to go, but I figured you'd be alright."

"Well you figured wrong, Dean." Cas disregarded the sadness in Dean's eyes and walked back toward the bridge. Dean probably still didn't want him around especially if Ezekiel was still healing Sam.

"Cas, I don't know what I'd do with myself if you killed yourself. And if it was because of me, I... I don't think I'd be able to live with myself," Dean grabbed Cas's hand and turned him around, "Cas, I... I love you. Don't do this, please," tears ran down his face and Dean had to take a breath before continuing. "Come back to the bunker with me. It was selfish to make you leave, and now I don't care if it makes Ezekiel uncomfortable, just please come back. Come back to _your home_."

Cas's face was tear stained. He hugged Dean tightly, "I love you too, Dean," Cas pulled away, "And yes, I'll come back to the bunker with you." Cas smiled. God, how Dean had missed that smile. Dean took a chance and pulled Cas in for a kiss. Cas happily returned the gesture, and the longing in his heart disappeared completely.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfic I've written of this nature so any feedback is appreciated, thanks for reading :)


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